Albert Hofmann RIP

Albert Hofmann the man who discovered LSD died at 102 this week. He discovered the drug while experimenting with medicinal uses of fungus and grain in 1938. Of the drug he said later, "I produced the substance as a medicine. ... It's not my fault if people abused it,"

It is funny that I read about his death today, as I was thinking about LSD this morning. That sounds worse than it sounds. Someone in the park this morning was musing out loud how she would tell her children about drugs, alcohol and sex, and it got me thinking about how, at some point, I am going to have to tell my kids about the same things.

In college I was one of the people that abused Hofmann's brain child. Well not abused so much as tried a few times,I can count the times I tried acid on one hand, and I can say for certain that I will never do it again.

Even if I had no child I would be able to say this for certain.

I scared myself straight I guess you could say,the last time I tried it was very frightening for me, and I am sure it was very frightening for those who were around me at the time as well. Hell (and this will sound silly) the whole reason I had a non medicated birth was because of my dabbling in the world of acid. Here is the silly part- I had read somewhere, at some point that the drug stays in small amounts in your spinal column (like an archaeological record or something, so millions of years from now whoever digs me up will know what I did) and I was afraid that if I had an epidural somehow the needle would go too deep and unleash the stored drugs....YES I know that this is not possible, YES I know it is utterly ridiculous but at the time of my pregnancy it made sense to me.

Will I tell my kids that that is why I birthed with no medication? Or will I tell them that I am afraid of needles? I am, so it is not a complete falsehood but still if you put a gun to my child's head and told me you'd shoot if I wasn't totally honest, I would have to fess up to my own stupidity.

The same question happens when I think about telling the kids about alcohol. I don't remember ever having a talk about alcohol with my parents...what no scratch that I did have a talk about alcohol with my dad one summer. It was the summer I got caught in a male friend's basement with beer, after having snuck out of the house. If i recall correctly during the talk about the evils of alcohol, my dad was drunk himself and the talk was more about not sneaking out than anything else.

I grew up in a house with people who drank, sometimes too much if I were to be honest. I know where my limits are with booze, I know what I can drink and what I should stay away from, BUT I only know this because I drank more than my fair share of both. So do I tell the kids no booze at all because of what could happen? Or do I tell them how mommy knows she isn't allowed to drink whiskey?

And sex? Don't even get me started on sex. I'll just say this- if my first child ever does the math, he'll realize he was at his parents wedding.

So where is the middle ground when talking to the kids about these taboos? I try to be honest about these things in general (I think at this point, I've even admitted my drug use to my mom) but I don't really want my kids to do some of the things I have done.

I know I have years to think about this and for that I am thankful.

Someone sent me a link to this video asking if my brother is living in similar conditions...My (younger) brother for those of you who don't know is currently stationed at Camp Liberty in Iraq. His home base is in Oklahoma, and I can't remember if he has ever been in Fort Bragg in N.C. When he comes home, he will be lucky enough to return to his wife (if she hasn't been deployed somewhere) in an off base apartment in OK.

Some guys will not be so lucky, and return to conditions like the ones in the video. This isn't a matter of the soldiers using a little elbow grease to clean up, and I commend the dad who created this video for getting it out there

Yes we have to support the men and women overseas, but we also have to support them once they get home.

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Saddest thing I saw today

If I had a real computer I would do a series of posts that encompassed the things that make me the happiest and the things that make me the saddest each day, but alas I don't have the capacity to upload every night, but soon...

On Saturday the happiest thing I saw was the planting of trees all along Grand Street on the Lower East Side. I don't have a picture though.

Today I saw this:
A lone dodgeball banished onto the train tracks. Was some kid careless with their kick ball or were the trains playing? I had this image of some kid being bullied when I saw this on my way to school tonight, but now that school is over, my final paper for my last class ever handed in, I'd like to think the trains, or birds or squirrels were playing some sort of outlawed dodgeball.

More art work

We are coming down to the wire in terms of the IMP being done. It now has a due date in early June, which is good. This week we played with paint standing up- I discovered Tempera Paint and babies do not mix, as you can see in this video the Babe LOVED this activity, but what you don't see is the 20 minute bath full of scrubbing afterwards. The tub still looks like I gutted a small animal in it. Next time I think it would be best if I took the time to make soap based paint, or used finger-paint on the brush.


Next up: Bubble wrap on the floor and finger paint on the feet!

more firsts

So I promised video and here it is.... Baby's first real steps, and where does he go? Right to the dog food

And now also first haircut photos too...he went from this














To this: To finally this- Look its a real boy!
This should get everyone off my back about when he is going to get a haircut! The boy has his dad's curly hair up top. Apparently it is like his grandpa Joe's (I never met the hubby's dad as he died while Hubby was in High School) and it is easy to comb into a classic Grandpa Joe pompadour. Now all he needs is a little Brylacreen and two combs in his back pocket.

Twin Beaks

Many of you who read this know me, and know my obsession with Twin Peaks. This year after many of asking, the hubby got me the Definitive Gold Box edition of the series, it does not have the movie (which isnt that upsetting because it tells you everything and kills the suspense) or this....



I particularily like the Darn fine pie utterences by Cookie Monster, and the appearence by David Finch.

For more amazing Sesame Street clips see the 50 best list over at Babble

DayCare

Since I got a new job we had to look for childcare for the babe. Right now we have a wonderful sitter two days a week, but there is no way we can afford her 5 days a week....so the hunt began. I posted to our local parenting board and two lovely ladies told me about an in home place about 7 blocks from where we live. We went to check it out yesterday. Beautiful home and nice enough woman running it. She asked about the babe's schedule, his pooping, his eating. When we told her that he poops every other day or so, sometimes every three days she told us 'oh this is very bad, a child should be pooping every day, you need to figure out why he isnt pooping, maybe its his diet. What do you feed him?' I told her we feed him what we eat, whole grains, yogurt, veggies, meat. I don't think she believed me, and said something like 'well it sounds very starchy if he isnt pooping he needs prune juice'
We tried prune juice and it didnt do anything. She was crazy about the poop. We left feeling like our parenting was being questioned and that our child was a freak because he doesn't poop everyday. She also kept saying he was a big boy...now my hubby is over 6 feet tall and a big guy so it isn't hard to imagine that my son would be big. It made me feel like all the other kids in the daycare are going to be wimpy little things with poor muscle tone!
But overall we left feeling like "she is annoying but cheap and we don't have to interact with her" so we are set for daycare in the fall. I am glad we found a place near home that seems like a good fit. I am hoping that the other moms aren't crazy so maybe we can have some parent friends. I am hoping that the woman who runs the place doesn't bombard us with poop talk everyday. I am hoping this is a good fit.

Conclusion

I took the job. The clincher really was the fact that the commute to the other school, the one with the giant wall drum, is long and I'd have to get the babe up and to some sort of childcare at the butt crack of dawn; an hour of which I am not a fan.

And the babe is WALKING!! video to come

Pros and Cons

Yippee! I interviewed at a school and they had me come in yesterday to demo a lesson. Today (literally 10 minutes ago) the director of the school offered me a job. YAY for me!

BUT...
Another school interviewed me over the phone this morning, and offered me a demo lesson for 2 weeks from now. The positions are the same hours (one is 9-12 the other is 12-3) and I believe the pay is the same. The first school (the offered job) is very well known and takes about 1/2 hour to get to. The director mentioned that she likes to hire from within for head teacher positions, and that they were adding more classes next year. So there will be opportunity for growth.
The other school is pretty new to the scene, has a great teaching philosophy (and a giant wall drum) and is insanely creative. The commute would be a little longer and I'm not sure about later opportunities.

Sooo...
Do I jump on the offered job? Do I ask for an earlier demo at the other school and see what happens? Do I decline nicely to the demo school (after just sending them an email telling them that the demo day was fine) but ask that they keep me in mind for the future?
HELP!

Hell hath no fury like a teething baby

The babe got his first teeth at around 4 months old. There was a day or so of crying, a night shot of baby motrin and ta-da 4 lovely teeth. Around 7 months he got 4 more teeth with a similar pattern of events. NOW we are in the molar section of the teeth. He is cutting two (possibly 4) teeth set deep in his mouth. The only way to see these teeth is to hang him by his ankles and call him "Turkey Baby".

For the past week he has been drooling, hot, cranky and generally a jerk-face. The drool is the worst part. He has slimed everything from the park slides, to every jacket he owns, to his cousin Liam ('Aunt Gina he spit on me' 'Baby Joseph keeps spitting on the floor, I clean it, tell him to stop') to the dog. I am tired of wiping baby spit off of me, I am tired of slipping in the puddles of drool on our floors.

But I am digging how he points to his mouth and says "oooooo" Communication has not broken down in light of the pain and annoyance of new teeth.

vitamin d overload

It was something like 70 degrees today (sorry mary, but it is supposed to rain tomorrow if that makes you feel better) and we spent much of the day walking around the neighborhood, and playing in the park. There was no nap in the afternoon because we were busy smelling the flowers along the block.

I feel like I am 155 years old, I don't know why this one kid makes me so exhausted, a classroom of two year olds all day doesn't make me this tired. The kid is making me feel like an old woman, how did my mom do it with 4 kids,me and my little brother came so much later, but I bet we made her pretty tired too...

Exhaustion makes me cranky is all I can say, and I am glad I get to rest tomorrow while I teach non english speaking pre-k kids!

Nicknames

Our child's name is Joseph, and we are at an age where I think we need a nickname to stick. We live in a neighborhood where I fear he will turn into a Jo-ee, as in "A-O Jo-ee", a giant gold chain wearing Joey who wants stone lions outside his house. So before he enters a day care in the area (hopefully next year if the job goes through) I want an established nickname.

My sister made a point the other day that calling the Babe, the Babe will make it harder to nickname number 2 (a child that is not on the way yet but a thought in the back of our heads). And she also pointed out that in our family Babe is already taken; our uncle who is my dad's younger brother is called Babe by my dad. It is funny to hear my dad call someone Babe though. And I can't picture other kids calling him babe to his face.

The hubby calls the boy child Boy-o. Every afternoon when he gets home the whole block can hear "Hi- ya Boy-o" the Boy-o sounding the way old Irish men say it. I call the boy Scooter Pie, but I feel like these are family nicknames that he would not want others calling him. I know I would die if people called me what my mom calls me sometimes.

My friend, and the boy's Godmother calls him JP. I like this one the best but I feel like she is the only one to call him this. The mother in law calls him Joseph all the time (her deceased husband is who is named after and everyone called him Joe, so I think she feels weird about calling the baby Joe). My parents call him Joseph, but I feel like they don't really do nicknames.

So anyone out there with a nickname suggestion?

Dad's Day Out

Today I had a job interview at a wonderful school downtown. The position is for a part-time assistant in either a 2's/3's classroom or a 3's/4's classroom and I LOVE the school. So cross your fingers that they loved me equally.

Because we don't have a babysitter on tuesdays the hubby stayed home from work to watch the babe. The day began for them easily enough (have I mentioned that the babe is ridiculously easy to care for?) they had some breakfast, they took a nap and then they went to the park. Then they went to the daddy park (the small bar around the corner) to watch the Mets home opener. When I got home the hubby had this to say:

"I've never seen so many people who looked so unfriendly before. Everyone in the park looked at me like I didn't belong there, even the woman smoking her cigarette as she pushed her kid on the swing seemed like she was going to question what I was doing with the babe. I was just waiting for someone to tell me I shouldn't let him look under the slides, or crawl on the jungle gym but I had my response all ready to go if they did. I wanted someone to say something just so i could respond, "Just because I haven't read the book by Doctor Shut the F**K Up, doesn't mean I am a bad father; we let our kid walk around and explore."

Now I know what you mean about the parents who live near us, they are so afraid to let their kids play in the dirt the way we all did growing up; all because some book is telling them what is the 'right' thing to do with the kids. The whole time I was in the park I was talking to the babe, telling him that after the swings we were going to go watch the Mets, and not one of the other dads who were in the park; not even the one in work boots and a giants cap (he seemed like a regular joe shmo like me) seemed like their wives would even let them watch the game if they wanted to."

It was nice to hear the hubby talk like this about other parents, even though he could really care less if anyone in the park talked to him, because it makes me feel like less of a antisocial nut job. He also noted how much older everyone with kids around us really are, he said he was easily the youngest in the park and clearly the one having the most fun with his child.

I should also note before people get on my case about the babe in the bar it is a block from our house and is populated on any given afternoon by 3 people (including the bartender) and one of those people is usually an old woman who comes in after going to church.

Secret Squirrell

So I was charged with finding out if my parents will be home when my sister wants to tell them she will be adopting a child. Do you know how hard it is to ask my parents a specific question? As soon as I attached a date to 'will you be home' my mom asked 'why? are you visiting? Whats the matter?'


I swear my mother thought I was calling so I could go out to tell her I was pregnant again! I am sure she is suspicious as all get out, and I wouldn't be surprised if she called all my siblings to find out what was up. I want to be a fly on the wall when my sister tells them.

I've been reading my sister's blog, and recently she likened having a child to having a dog. I know people hate when others say this, but I have to admit that I agree completely. Before I had a child I had a dog. Ok technically I had two dogs- the first of my dogs is now the dog that the adoption sister calls her own. The second dog I found on the Crow Reservation in Montana. He was curled up in a pile of hay with the rest of his litter outside of a house that was being built as part of a science project. The house, which was made of straw, was featured on Oprah (though Oprah didn't even come to see it) and the puppies were going to be left out in the wild. Most of the strays (and dogs that aren't hunting dogs) on reservations are left out, and folks just feed them and the cycle of strays continues. I took the litter to the local shelter, had them all de-wormed (they had been living off wild plums, and not much else) and chose the friendliest one to keep for myself.

I named the puppy Cheda with the help of a few Crow kids. The word is a bastardization of the Crow word for Wolf. People used to ask me how I was going to afford a dog, when I myself was living off of pasta and Buffalo meat that was left on my porch (by a hunter I know not just randomly) and a variety of food I could buy with my food stamp card. I couldn't afford a dog in reality the shots alone nearly bankrupted me (though the state of MT has a great plan in place for low cost vaccinations) the dog ate lots of meat, and cheese and he came everywhere with me. The dog was my child essentially. Heck it took me longer to name the dog than it did to name the actual child.

From the dog I learned patience and that a little mess never hurt anyone. People questioned whether the hubby and I would keep the dog when we had kids; if it were up to him the answer would be no, he and the dog have a love/hate relationship. Some people who will remain nameless were adamant that it was dangerous to have a baby and a dog at the same time. Sure we've had a few ripped up baby toys, and we can't buy anything with balls for the babe but overall the dog is like a four legged babysitter. Oz in her blog this week talked about her 'first child' tearing things and eating the baby's stuff, and yeah it happens here too, but more often it looks like this...

Well sort of since this was about 7 months ago but you get my point. This was even before the babe started to crawl- a skill i am sure he learned from watching the dog. Cheda is protective over the babe, and alerts us to any noise he makes. There is also a certain amount of jealousy between the two. Cheda will bark when we are all in our front room (the carpeted area of our house) since he is not allowed in, I think he feels slighted, and is wondering why the puppy is allowed on the carpet, the couch, the bed...

But then there are moments like these where neither of them know who is the human and who is the dog...

And you thought I was interesting...

I have a big family. I am the fifth out of six children and our family is spread out over three states and a continent. I have a sister in Colorado who I don't speak to (and she doesn't jump up to speak to me either), she has three children who will barely know their cousins until later on in life; and a husband who isn't really worth mentioning. I have a sister in Long Island, who I also barely speak to (but that is due to our family non-communication communication style) who has twin daughters and a husband who is deceased. There is a brother who lives in NYC with his Brazilian wife (who is a month younger than me), they have a great little boy child. There is also another brother (the only one younger than me) who got married 5 days before I gave birth to the Babe and who is currently living at Camp Liberty in Iraq while his wife (who is also US Army) lives in Oklahoma. They have no children, but eventually I am betting they will reproduce - like when they are living in the same country for more than a week at a time

And I have saved the best for last, even though she is the first born. My eldest sister lives in Boston with her dog. I don't remember much of her while growing up as there is a 12 year difference in our ages, but what I do remember of her is this offbeat, independent, strong female that was someone I wanted to emulate when I grew up. Of all my sister's she is the one who I would trust with my child (or children) if it ever became a question of having to find a place for them.

I learned last night that my eldest sister has begun the process of adopting a child, and that she is blogging about the journey. She hasn't told our parents yet and I am on recon to see if they will be home the weekend she wants to tell them. I feel like I am charged with national security secrets as this is exciting news and I am bursting to tell someone! So I tell the strangers and friends who read these posts and I hope you will go on over and congratulate my sister.

Realizations

I am not going to graduate in May. I am not going to walk across the stage at Riverside Church in a Master's degree robe. AND I am not going to worry about it.

I had a meeting with my advisor today, she seems to think I have something really good in my IMP and I shouldn't rush through it just to get it done and put away. So I will hand everything in past the April 15 deadline and the date on my diploma will probably be in July. This means that I will go to graduation, but not walk in the ceremony. I am coming to terms with it slowly but surely.

Another realization happened today, an A-Ha moment if you will. A wise woman who lives in Michigan told me I should not take the job at a school I only feel eh about. She said "it is hard enough working your ass off at a school that you believe in 100%." Which is the truth. So I am going to hold out for the other places to offer me work, and if no job is offered number 2 will start to be planned in the sense that we will stop planning for no number 2.

to job or not to job...

I am currently interviewing at a number of places for an ass't teaching position...the first place I interviewed I loved on paper- they serve a disadvantaged population and believe in hands on education; and yet when I interviewed the vibe was very traditional testing based education. They asked me back for a second interview- the trial lesson portion. I just feel eh about the school now. I have other interviews set up for two other places, both of which I like; and I am holding out for my top choice to call me back...
So do I take the job if I am offered it at the school I only feel eh about? If I do will the frustration at the situation take away the joy? Will it be worth it to find fulltime childcare for the Babe if I hate the place I have to leave him for every morning? Do I just get cracking on number 2 and hold off working until I have school aged kids? Someone help me out please.....