photos

this is the last photo the camera took before its' untimely demise..... see how nice and desolate the streets look? you'd never guess that there is a pizza place and gun club just up the road right?

This is the second to last photo the camera took it is a snowbear that the hubby made in our tiny little front yard...

The bear was made the day before Valentine's Day by the hubby, he brought me dead flowers (the bear not the hubby) and also this from the pizza place/gunclub

Yes it is a heart shaped pizza.....and it was enjoyed by all.

the camera is dead

Two days ago it snowed here; real snow, the light fluffy giant flakes that hold the promise of a school closure. I had to shovel the walkway before I went to work, and again when I got home, it was truly lovely. But the snow killed the camera. I wanted to capture the beauty of Brooklyn in the snow, since no one was out and about when I went to work. Kids were sleeping in, snug in the knowledge that they still had days left to their February break; parents who could, were calling in sick and those who couldn't had already left by the time I got myself ready to leave. I admit I contemplated staying home, but now responsibility won out.
So as I waited for that B16 bus that never came I took a picture of the desolate snow covered streets- the plows hadn't even hit my neighborhood yet. The picture is lovely and eventually I will post it (maybe when i replace the computer with one whose usb ports work), but the camera is now making a funny noise and the lenses won't retract and it seems there is an internal error...

So I add the camera to the list of electronic devices that have served me well but have gone on to that big outlet in the sky, and hope that by doing so it will magically resurrect itself somehow. Maybe it will be an Easter miracle.

tired

why am I so tired? maybe because the child has not slept today; or maybe because I schlepped him all over brooklyn checking out YMCA programs... we decided to try a swim class since I like to swim and he seems to like the water and the Y has some decent prices. now i have to worry about wha i look like in a suit.
in other news my friend Laura who had a babe right after me (to bad she is on the west coast) just launched her own blog. She is momming and figuring out how to be an artist and she writes too. I am envious of her life. She is doing what she loves (and lives in a beautiful area) and managing a household. I'm sort of doing what i love and barely managing to keep the house together. I just can't figure out the balance, and i suppose it doesnt help that i am bogged down in writing my thesis, and taking a crappy class to finish school, and trying to finish my internship and trying to be a housewife...Quick someone tell me it gets easier.
last night i said to someone that i was 'ready to be pregnant again, or have my own classroom'

heartaches

Last weekend I went out sans hubby. It was a girl's night out of music and dancing and too much booze; and it was needed by all. I needed it to reaffirm that others find me attractive, as well as to remind myself how much i really do love the big lug i am married to.

We've been fighting lately over stupid things like not clearing the table or leaving the dishes in the dishwasher. and the argument is always the same- he throws out that he worked all day and i was home, and i get resentful and want to run away from this life that i am leading. This life feels like a washed out version of the life i am supposed to be leading. The life i am supposed to be living should be more vibrant and less full of t.v.; the life i'm supposed to be living still involves a husband and child but it's more cosmopolitian and outgoing than the lump on a log one i am leading.

So I went drinking, and stayed out to late with people there is history with and pushed the envelope as far as i could. I danced with strangers, chatted at the bar, and when it was time to go made sure to say goodbye to the history man. Who is part of the band but I'm not saying who...

It's just that the men in my life that got away often have left without anyone saying goodbye in a real substantial way, and I care to much about people in general. I still wonder about people from my past and then i get sad because i have a feeling they don't wonder about me.

Last weekend I realized that even though i should probably not be left alone with the history man for long periods of time, if i was nothing would ever happen; since the ache that would be left without the hubby would kill me.

We got married fast and had a baby even faster and the love i have for him is the most intense feeling i have ever had. and i guess i am scared that the fire that burns so hot will burn out too fast

things i did and did not buy...

Well it is February 1st which means the Compact season has begun, and I must admit that today I spent about $51 in books at Barnes and Nobles. But (and here comes the excuses) I had a list that I followed and the books were for the preschool and toddler art classes I teach. Ok sure I could have looked harder in used stores but it was raining (really hard) and I was going to dinner near the Barnes and Nobles so there it is $51 in the hole already- though does it count if i put it on the credit card?

I am going to Ikea on sunday to buy things to make our house look a little more grown up than it does now (inspired purely by Gwynne's curtain choices) but I am using some gift cards and taking the bus as to not overload myself on things...so I don't think it will count

I did buy some Starbucks this week in anticipation of a haitus; it should be known I don't drink coffee but I really like the peppermint hot cocoa, and caramel steamed milk from Starbucks; and I usually treat myself on the night I have class to one or the other but now no more. So I had steamed milk 4 times this week, and 3 1/2 expresso brownies. about $30

So the Grand Total is roughly $81.00

oh and we had take out chinese for dinner last night...

In reality not all that much, but I think more wasn't spent because of the Hubby's layoff. He goes back to work on wednesday (thank goodness, he's been driving me nuts) but I am not sure if it is with his company or just with someone who knows someone who can get him onto a site; have I mentioned he's a Union Carpenter? and apparently they still work in that weird 'hey i know someone who is out of work, can we use him?' way, were a handshake on a commute can offer you great contacts. So I am not sure how long work will hold out, since this is the time of the year where the Carpenters' have a odd little dry spell. All this means is that the Hubs gets to come to gymboree with us on monday!

So I will hold off putting money into the tincan and see where this Compact living really takes us in the weeks to come....

And for the record I did not buy a mandoline