part two: in which we have a baby...

Still insisting that I was not sure I was in labor, we drove to the hospital. The husband did his best impression of "calm man driving" as he flicked the highbeams at every car that dared get in front of us. I am a bad passenger on a good day, I don't like going over the speed limit, I don't like erratic driving, and I certainly don't like do do something so rude as passing a slower driver.... Combine all of that with a series of sharp, take your breath away contractions and you have a bitch in the passenger seat.

The roads in Long Island are dark and winding, the drivers are slower than molasses and my husband is a road warrior. I finally let him pass two cars in the village of Southampton, mostly because I was sure that I was going to push the baby out any minute; I even let him run the only light in town. But I would not let him speed. No that was out of the question!

When we got to the emergency room, the contractions had slowed and I was convinced once again that I had simply peed myself. The triage nurse asked me who my doctor was and when I responded I don't have one here, she walked out of the room saying "Oh its some summer person who didn't go home in time." I wanted to scream "No I'm not one of those asshole snooty summer people!  I swear I don't live on the Upper East Side! I don't think your hospital sucks, or is like that crap tv show Royal Pains! Please don't treat me like shit because I am not from here, please be nice to me as I deliver this kid right here in the emergency room" Instead I meekly followed her to do paperwork (I refused to be wheelchaired, I wanted to walk as much as possible since it helped the pain).

Paperwork and labor don't mix very well, but as I was still having long lulls between pain I kept insisting that I wasn't in labor, it might still be a false alarm....

The Labor and Delivery folks hooked me to a machine and noticed I was having contractions that I was not even feeling (lucky me right?) they moved me into a delivery bed as soon as one of the 7 other folks who were delivering were finished pushing out their child. The hospital midwife was introduced to me, I responded to her by saying "I'm not really a crunchy midwife mom, I just don't like needles". Seriously the woman looked like she would force me to chant the baby out while the hubby cleansed the room with crystals; we never saw her again. Maybe I offended her?

We had Jude 2 hours after we got to the hospital. I was attended by 2 nurses, an ob  (who was very summery blond and looked my age), an intern (who was green and uncomfortable looking the whole time) and the hubby (who didn't have to do anything). I had contractions that I never felt in between the ones I could; which made a large lull in the pushing- it was a "how bout that local sports team moment." But it was easy (ish) and there was no cursing (I was in The Hamptons, after all), I don't remember Jude crying upon arrival, but I guess he was fine.

And the whole time I asked for reassurance that my water had actually broken...

a birth story part one

August is hot in NYC.  This summer it has seemed hotter than ever, mostly because of the humidity, and the fact that I've been pregnant forever. Or I guess I should say had been pregnant forever. The heat was a main factor in how Jude was born...Late Tuesday evening my husband and I decided that if Wednesday dawned hotter than Jesus, we would spend the day at my parent's house on Long Island. We figured spending the day lounging by the water would be preferable to staring at my belly in our hotbox of an apartment.

Plus being out in Long Island brought an opportunity to see my favorite aunt, a favorite family friend and a favorite sister all in one fell swoop.

So off we went.

We lounged by the pool, we waited for my aunt and my sister to arrive, we frolicked in the backyard, and we almost forgot to check my belly for signs of impending birth. We kept waiting for the day to feel over, waiting to feel the need to go home. But that feeling never came, the day felt like a holiday from our lives; a holiday from worry about the bills, about the husband being out of work (again) and free from worry about when the baby would come. In short we were able to relax.

Our midwife had called around 3pm to tell us that we could try an at home induction of Castor Oil the following day, and if that didn't work we could do a pitocin drip to induce actual labor. The midwife was less than happy that we had decided to go so far away, but you know what? At that point I didn't care what she thought, I'd been feeling uncared for in her care for awhile. So we went to the local very expensive natural food store and bought some Castor oil (which right there on the bottle says for external use only) made plans to bring Joe to his other Grandma's house on the way home, and rejoiced over the idea of having a baby the next day. This added to the relaxation.

Dinner came with sangria, my favorite aunt and family friend. It was a gathering of the women in my life as dinner ended and we sat around talking about the crazy painter family that lived with us for a time, my other sister's artwork and blog, my brother and his new house. My nieces and Joe wandered in and out requesting cake and milk; and a feeling of content spread over me. This is what family time should always be like, there was no bickering, no arguing, no table side fights, no tears. Just good food, a little wine and good company.

 At some point I thought, "maybe we should hit the road" and as I went to the kitchen to check the clock, I tried to pick up the broom and dustpan that Joe had been playing with....And felt a rush of liquid down my legs.

Is it wrong that I kind of assumed I had just peed on myself? I had had a glass of wine and was feeling super, it was not out of the realm of possibility that the rush I felt was just me not being able to hold it in... The dog followed me to the bathroom where I tried to remain calm and rational. "Maybe it's my water, but I don't feel any contractions; oh god if I peed on the kitchen floor I'm never going to be able to come home again; but if I am in labor I don't want to give birth on the side of the highway; hmm maybe we should just go to the hospital. No maybe we should just rush home. No I think hospital. hmm lets see what mommy thinks."  This was the conversation that I had with myself as I tried to determine if I had peed or was about to have a baby. 

Everyone always says "oh amniotic fluid doesn't smell or look like pee." Well when you drink enough water and your pee is odorless and colorless this description doesn't help you. And when you have a dog that likes to lick up any liquid on a floor you really don't have a puddle of evidence to investigate either. So you start to think to yourself, "my mom, who birthed 6 kids and was a nurse will know for sure." But the reality is no one knows anything.

I tried to be discreet about telling my mom. I tried to avoid having everyone excited. I tried to avoid the inevitable "do you want us to come with you" conversations. But that all happened and I hope no one was offended by me saying I didn't want them to come with us to the hospital...

The hubby put Joe to bed, my father had a mild freak out over the fact that we were not moving fast enough, and off we went to the hospital. The hospital that we had programed into the GPS about a week before in anticipation.

About Time!

Jude Aloysius Williams 

8lbs 4oz  was born in Southampton Hospital Wednesday August 12, 2009

40 weeks and done

so its been 40 weeks. i've been contracting for the last 5 days with no resulting baby. I am done. Plus I am not sleeping so I am a crank, which makes being a mom to a two year old very very hard. I don't like being a snappy bitch to my child.

So when I went to midwife today I was expecting for an internal exam, maybe some more membrane stripping, something to help this along. Or at least a poke around to see where we were at (last week I was 1 cm dilated and a little effaced), but nooo...4 other women had to be in labor. The midwife said she didn't want to risk starting my labor with the other women being already in labor. 

I wanted to scream "What about me?" I wanted to be selfish and insist. But I didn't. I just meekly went on my way home in the hopes that tonight the contractions actually go somewhere or at the very least go away so I can sleep. 

But there better not be anyone in labor tomorrow because dang it I am going back and insisting that my needs be met.