Thursday, June 18, 2009

When will the torture end?

And by torture I mean this pregnancy. I don't know how to feel about anything anymore. When i first peed on the stick I was really happy- I like kids, I wanted more kids, Joe needs playmates, I miss the early baby stages....and now I am a mess. I have officially hit the freaking out stage of pregnancy. And the freaking out isn't even about the baby, its about how the house will get clean once there are two kids sucking the life out of me.

My mom commented at some point recently that I am overwhelmed by motherhood and she's right; I have no clue what I am doing and I feel like everyone else does. And it's not even the kid that overwhelms me, its the other stuff the housewifey cooking and cleaning stuff that I can't figure out. Is it laziness? Latent guilt about going back to work? When I am home with Joe i want to be near him all the time (even if that is just watching curious george with him), when he is not here all I want to do is nothing (or maybe nap and eat). This makes for no dishes getting done and the house looking like a pigsty. Yes the kid helps out, he is a master at helping to take dishes out of dishwasher, a star at getting laundry in the machine, and pretty good about putting toys away (or at least as good as any crazy 2 year old); BUT I still feel like I have no balance in this house. 

Is it because I am tired from lugging around the extra weight of fetus around? Is it because, as my husband says, I have a higher expectation of myself because I think everyone else is better at it than me? Is it the hormones? Am I the only one who feels like they can't handle two kids,and get a meal prepared, cooked and cleaned up? I'd venture to guess no, but shit where are the other people who are less than confident about their mommying/housewifing skills?

5 comments:

Liz said...

Here's one of them:

http://badladies.blogspot.com/2009/06/ecce-mater.html

regina said...

thanks for that

Gwynne said...

"Overwhelmed" has been the word that most comes to mind when talking about parenthood since the day the kid was born.

I have no idea how anyone with kids ever gets anything clean. Sometimes my mother takes pity on us when she's here babysitting and cleans the bathroom during A's naps.

I often think that I may want another kid but I'm secretly convinced I'm not a good enough mom to handle more than one.

So no, it's not just you. (And from everything I've seen, you are an amazing mom.)

regina said...

and here i am thinking you are a better mom than me! can you send your mom to my house? we just said to each other that I can't go into labor tonight because the house is not fit for others to see....

Liz said...

Reggie - right after I gave you the link to Her Bad Mother, she moved her blog! The new link is herbadmother.com (much easier to remember....)