I know

In response to the comments and also phone calls and emails that I got from the Admitting It post...

1- Our insurance only covers some mental health care professionals, i could have looked for one our insurance covered but I am lazy and the school mental health guy recommended someone who is good. Sure I will check if she will take our insurance but I don't really care; if its something that money has to be spent on so be it.

2- I still think the Landmark group is slightly too intense for me. I don't like crying in groups, nor do I want strangers knowing how i feel about my perceived failures...why blog about them then, you may ask...Well I know most of the people who read this and feel ok about them knowing my issues, and those who I don't know i figure I will never meet...

3- I know I can call any number of you to talk about stuff. BUT no one I know has had post partum depression (and again who even knows if I have it or if its just genetic breeding to hold everything in until I explode), no one I know can dispense drugs (the mental health kind) if I need them, and even though some of you are moms and have gone through some stuff of your own, i still feel like I am alone in this in some ways. It is not a reflection on how i feel about you as a person, a relative, a friend that I don't call or talk about stuff, it is a reflection on my own feelings of self.

4- I read my sister's blog today. She wrote about a trip to Puerto Rico she took with my older siblings and my mom.... It is nice to read that even my own mighty mom had some things to resolve but it makes me feel a little shitty that my mom can't talk about it with her own daughters. These are the things you are supposed to talk about to your children (obviously when they are old enough); these are the things that would be helpful for a new mom to hear rather than "you do what you have to do"