summer in the city

or at least that's what it feels like today. a steamy 65 degrees- somesort of record high the weatherman tells me...the babe is literally sweating so much there is a puddle on my lap. it reminds me of back in the day (yeah i said it) when the babe was first born and i was trying to boobfeed. I spent a few days with many puddles on many parts of my body (and also smelling of cabbage but that's another story) feeling sorry for myself that I couldn't boobfeed...
Don't let anyone ever tell you it's easy to nourish your kid through your own body cause it's not. You get through labor and delivery (again a story for another day) and you are overwhelmed with exhaustion, hunger, and likely thirst and suddenly there is a little rooting creature covered in what looks like cream cheese trying its' darndest to get something out of you.
For the time we were in the hospital we did it well, the wonderful scottish lactation specialist in our hospital visited us a few times and cheered us on; the babe happily sucked away and I was overcome with joy at proving I could feed my child. Nighttime fell, the babe was taken to the nursery and returned to me when he was hungry; he cried in my room and a voice from the other side of the curtain said "you know they can give him a bottle to quiet him" and I silently cried over my hungry little man, but I kept going.
What people don't tell you is your hormones drop drastically a few days after birth and you become a crazy mess (again). When this happened to me, I woke up with an overwhelming feeling of "get this child away from me." The hubs was getting ready for work and brought the babe to me; it made me sob. I didn't want to touch him, let alone have him attached to me all day. As I cried the hubs asked if i wanted him to stay home; I said no twice. On the third asking (and over the hunger cries of the babe) I said yes and thus began our journey of formula feeding. I spent two days with cabbages leaves in my bra and then there was no more milk from momma.
Is it weird that I am thinking of this because of the babe sweat in my lap? probably. But it is something I like to keep out there as a reminder to push past the obstacles; do I regret my decision? nope- the babe is happy and healthy and dang it the boy had teeth at 2 1/2 months!